Kids are the payoff

We have a tradition in our kitchen. It starts with asking Alexa to play one of our dance playlists and then turning on a small strobe light. Our kids then begin just shaking their little booties, sometimes dragging their karaoke machine into the room just to bring some more sizzle to the scene. Those are the moments that you realize how special it is to have such little people. It’s funny when I look back at my wife and I before the kids. Like everything else that you have yet to experience, you have grand elusions of what life will be like. And even more importantly how you will do it differently from those in your family or friends who you’ve clearly decided had flaws. I will get into that more in a moment, because you are probably laughing hysterically.

I believe that I’m probably the most honest father who’s had children. I have often said, “What’s the payoff”? I have friends that say the typical “oh your life will never be the same” or “I can’t imagine life without kids now”. While that’s all true, I’m not sure if those statements are really coming from a place of pure honesty. Don't misunderstand, I love my children and have no plans on returning them to the hospital, but let's be honest. Having kids is an enormous undertaking that only strikes the most naïve of couples. I’m sure everyone has their own reasons for having children, but it’s still a miracle, so all children are really surprises. And no matter how much you plan, you will never be fully prepared for the lifetime sacrifice you will encounter. I used to go on vacation and drown myself in countless Coronas at the edge of an infinity pool with my wife. Now I am constantly picking up toys, losing my hearing exponentially at the sheer shrill that comes out of my two year olds vocal cords, washing a never ending supply of dishes and clothes, watching so many kid’s television shows that I dream in animation, and don’t even get me started on my son’s diapers. The point is that for most you, it’s giving up the life you once had for a completely new one. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. Although that may sound very callous to some, I would argue that those without kids don’t live any less fulfilling lives than those with. In fact, I think that’s an arrogant point of view. I know very happy and healthy couples without kids, who also have more money and vacation a lot more than my wife and me.

As I mentioned previously, preconceived notions of parenting are highly overrated. Sure you try to emulate those that you respect and avoid damaging behavior, but when you boil it down, you’re just doing your best to raise good kids. You’re going to screw up and you’re going to be a rock star. What’s most important is to never get to high on your successes and never be too hard on yourself when you epically fail. And you will fail probably more than you succeed, and that’s alright. I still cannot believe that responsible people just handed a baby over to us, with no instruction manual, and said good luck. Most of us can’t even change the oil in our car.

So what I have surmised is that you give up your independence when you meet someone and decide to spend the rest of your life with that person. Then you give up your freedom when you join the corporate world, allowing any sense of self-respect you once had to become a distant memory. Then you have kids and you lose any sense of selfishness you might have had and it’s replaced with selflessness. Although, that reflection could be construed as morbid, I look at it with a different perspective. All of those sacrifices lead to a greater good. It’s evolution on the grandest scale. I have learned more from my wife, my career and my kids than I ever learned in a classroom. So when I see my kids dancing carefree in the kitchen, it reminds me that THEY are the payoff. Despite all of the chaos and drama, they have given me the gift of perspective and I will be indebted to them for eternity.